If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
