If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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