There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
