I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
