i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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