I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
