he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
