I skipped work to stalk him.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
