Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
