You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I understand Curling. That high.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
