dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I fill condoms, not promises.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
