I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
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So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
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I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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