Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
