ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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