my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
