i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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