I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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