people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
