yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
