I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
