What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
