i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
