I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
