I need help removing her.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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