Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
