Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
