I cockslap morals
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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