my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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