My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
