11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
