1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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