I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
