I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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