I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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