You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
