i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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