Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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