The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
