Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
