Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize