it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
