I want to make a zoo with you.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
