hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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