Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
