It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
