Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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