New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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