I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
