"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
