Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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