my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
