I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so let's talk penis.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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