This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
