so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
