Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
