He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
