90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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