If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I can text with my tongue
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
