dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
is that a dick in a sweater?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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