when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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