Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This baby is an asshole
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
