a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
