Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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