We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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