I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
