ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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