so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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