We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
