I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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